I think it was sometime around 7th grade when my naturally blonde and curly hair started fading to brunette. I was horrified. Honestly, it was like I was having some sort middle school mid-life crisis. I know that sounds pretty crazy, but it starts to seem a little less ludicrous when you look at the kinds of things that we all use to describe and define ourselves: our jobs, our relationships, our hobbies, and our possessions. You know what I'm talking about: "Hi I'm Joe I'm a doctor and a husband who golfs on the weekends and drives a Ferrari." All of these things influence who we are, but they aren't inherently us right? But sometimes they feel like they are. I guess that's why my changing locks had 7th grade Brittney going into panic mode. I had lived my whole life up until that point as a blonde and now suddenly I wasn't one anymore. Insert the blonde hair dye.
I continued dying my hair blonde all through high school and through most of college. Seriously, besides the times when I didn't make it to the salon in time and my roots starting showing, I was a perpetual blonde. But eventually all those trips to the salon began wearing on me (and my wallet). So that's why spring break of my senior year of college I found myself sitting in a salon chair while my stylist mixed up the brunette hair dye. I felt this weird nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach even though I had dyed my hair many times before. This one felt different. Probably because I had never actually seen myself as a brunette.
But why was that such a big deal? Did my hair color really matter that much to me? Those are the things I was thinking about while I waited for the chemicals on my head to do their magic and make me a brunette. When my stylist finally finished up and spun me around in the chair so I could get a look in the mirror I was shocked. It was me... but brunette. I mean duh that was what I had asked for, but it was still a shock. I kind of hated it. In fact, I would have gone straight back to the salon the next day to change it back to blonde if it hadn't been for my family insisting that it looked great.
Eventually, I fell in love with it too. But it wasn't until quite some time later when I realized why it had taken me so many years to embrace the brunette. I think it was because it took me that long to embrace my true self. I know what you're thinking: "Ummm, Brittney your hair color doesn't define your personality." And you would be totally right, but what I'm saying is that I had to be able to 100% embrace and love my true self on the inside before I could embrace and love my true self on the outside.
I've always been pretty shy and introverted. It was in college where I finally found my groove. I threw myself into my passions and surrounded myself with people who supported and accepted me for who I was. What I'm saying is, I realize now that I was kind of wearing the blonde hair as a mask. I think we can all have different masks that we wear: our hair color, our clothes, our attitudes, our makeup, and the list goes on. Once the mask came off it was really scary, but also really liberating. Don't get me wrong, I had some really good times in that blonde hair, but at this point in my life I've never been happier.
You are who you are despite what your hair color is: blonde, brunette, purple, green, or whatever. But if you are wearing some sort of mask in your life I hope you have the courage to take it off, because I have a feeling that you are really going to like what you see.
XO- Brittney
No comments:
Post a Comment